Stephen Colbert: The Newest Zealander Visits PM Jacinda Ardern


( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOLKS, I AM SO EXCITED BECAUSE I GOT TO GO TO NEW ZEALAND A FEW
WEEKS AGO AND STARTING TONIGHT I GET TO SHARE THAT TRIP WITH YOU
IN OUR SPECIAL WEEK-LONG SERIES,>>Announcer: THE “LATE SHOW”
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT PRESENTS “THE NEWEST ZEALANDER”! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: ALL I COULD THINK OF IS I WISHED EVERYBODY COULD
COME WITH US. SO WE DECIDED TO FILM IT. NEW ZEALAND IS ONE OF THE
GREATEST PLACES ON EARTH. THE PEOPLE ARE INCREDIBLE, THE
LANDSCAPES ARE ABSOLUTELY BREATH-TAKING, IT’S HOME TO BOTH
LORDE AND THE “LORD OF THE RINGS.” ( LAUGHTER )
AND, FUN FACT: THERE ARE NO PREDATORS IN THE WHOLE
COUNTRY, INCLUDING NO SNAKES. WHICH MEANS, DOWN THERE, ADAM
AND EVE WERE TEMPTED BY A SMEAGOL. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M ALSO A HUGE ADMIRER OF NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINSTER AND, I’M
GOING TO SAY, PERSONAL FRIEND JACINDA ARDERN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO.>>Jon: THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S
RIGHT.>>Stephen: IN 2017, SHE TOOK
OFFICE AS ONE OF THE WORLD’S YOUNGEST LEADERS AT THE AGE OF
37 AND, SINCE THEN, SHE’S ENACTED A
GROUNDBREAKING FAMILY LEAVE POLICY, BECAME THE FIRST HEAD OF
STATE TO BRING THEIR BABY TO THE FLOOR OF THE U.N., AND AFTER THE
TRAGIC SHOOTING AT A MOSQUE IN CHRISTCHURCH, SHE CALLED FOR
LEGISLATION TO BAN SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPONS. AND GOT IT PASSED WITHIN ONE
MONTH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, PRIME MINISTER ARDERN, I’M HAPPY TO SAY,
SHE’S COME ON THE SHOW A COUPLE TIMES NOW, AND INVITED ME TO
VISIT NEW ZEALAND BOTH TIMES. THE SECOND TIME, SHE SAID, SHE’D
PICK ME UP AT THE AIRPORT! SO I GOT ON A PLANE TO SEE IF
SHE MEANT IT. AFTER 16 AND A HALF HOURS, I
ARRIVED AT NEW ZEALAND’S AUCKLAND AIRPORT, WHERE I WAITED
FOR PRIME MINISTER JACINDA ARDERN TO FULFILL HER PART OF
THE BARGAIN. HI! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
>>WELCOME.>>Stephen: THANK YOU. SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.>>OH, WE’RE PLEASED TO HAVE
YOU.>>Stephen: I’M SO AMAZED, YOU
KNOW, THAT YOU CAME TO PICK ME UP. THANK YOU SO MUCH.>>NO, IT’S NOT PARTICULARLY
EXTRAORDINARY AT ALL. I STILL DO THE AIRPORT RUN.>>Stephen: I HOPE I’M NOT
CUTTING INTO EXECUTIVE TIME.>>I’M A WOMAN, I MULTI-TASK, SO
DON’T WORRY.>>Stephen: IF YOU NEED TO
TWEET AT ANY MOMENT, I’M HAPPY TO HOLD THE WHEEL OR I CAN TWEET
FOR YOU.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: DO YOU HAVE YOUR
PHONE WITH YOU?>>I DO, I DO.>>Stephen: COULD I LOOK? IS THIS IT? IS THIS YOU?>>YEAH, THAT’S MY PHONE. YEAH.>>Stephen: LET’S LOOK AT THE
BABY! I’M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING. I JUST PROMISED YOU.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: COULD YOU UNLOCK
THAT? IS IT FACIAL RECOGNITION?>>IT IS NOT.>>Stephen: IT’S NOT FACIAL
RECOGNITION? IT’S NOT?>>NO.>>Stephen: ONE QUICK RULE, DO
NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT SINGING ALONG WITH THE RADIO, IF A SONG
COMES ON THAT YOU LIKE, BECAUSE THAT IS JAMES CORDEN’S THING,
AND THAT GUY IS MOBBED UP WITH LAWYERS AND HE WILL COME AFTER
US WITH A SHARP STICK.>>NO SING ALONG?>>Stephen: NO SING ALONG. ♪ GALILEO ♪
♪ I’M JUST A POOR BOY, NOBODY LOVES EH ME ♪
♪ HE’S JUST A POOR BOY WITH A POOR FAMILY ♪
♪ SPARE HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY ♪
WHAT’S THE BIRTHDAY?>>TWENTY-FIRST OF JUNE.>>Stephen: THAT’S NOT BAD. NO. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: OKAY, SO, SERIOUSLY, WE’RE SITTING HERE,
DON’T TELL ME, JUST UNLOCK IT. I JUST WANT TO SEE —
>>NO.>>Stephen: I’M NOT GOING TO
CALL ANYBODY. COME ON.>>NO. DEFINITELY NOT.>>Stephen: YOU’RE NO FUN. DO YOU KNOW THEM?>>NO, NO, I DO NOT. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I RECOGNIZE YOU.>>Stephen: HER OR ME? JACINDA.>>Stephen: OH, OKAY. SEE YA. ( APPLAUSE )
IT’S NOT MY CODE. I USED MY CODE, THAT DIDN’T
WORK.>>HOW MANY MORE TRIES HAVE YOU
GOT LEFT THERE?>>Stephen: OH, ( BLEEP )! THAT PHONE IS DISABLED. ( APPLAUSE )
WE PULLED UP TO HER SUBURBAN AUCKLAND HOME AND AS SOON AS WE
SAT DOWN I GOT STRAIGHT TO MY AGENDA. MY FIRST QUESTION IS, CAN I BE A
CITIZEN?>>STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT.>>Stephen: I HAVE ONLY BEEN
HERE FOR ABOUT FOUR HOURS AND I’M ALREADY HAVING SEPARATION
ANXIETY KNOWING I’M GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE HERE IN A WEEK.>>THAT’S EXACTLY HOW WE LIKE TO
MAKE PEOPLE FEEL.>>Stephen: WHAT’S THE
POPULATION OF NEW ZEALAND?>>WE’RE GETTING CLOSE TO
5 MILLION.>>Stephen: AND 4.6 MILLION
WERE EXTRAS IN “THE LORD OF THE RINGS.” ( LAUGHTER )
IS IT TRUE YOU AUDITIONED TO BE IN “THE LORD OF THE RINGS”?>>YES.>>Stephen: AND YOU DIDN’T GET
CAST?>>I DID NOT GET CAST, YEAH.>>Stephen: DOES PETER JACKSON
KNOW THAT HE DIDN’T CAST THE PRIME MINISTER OF NEW ZEALAND?>>I DON’T KNOW IF I’VE EVER HAD
THAT CONVERSATION WITH HIM.>>Stephen: DO YOU GUYS HAVE
TAX AUDITS HERE?>>WE DO.>>Stephen: COULD YOU SICK THE
TAX AUDITORS ON HIM?>>THAT IS INDEPENDENT.>>Stephen: IT IS IN THE
UNITED STATES, TOO. OH, TOTALLY INDEPENDENT, I GET
IT.>>ACTUALLY.>>Stephen: ACTUALLY. OH, I GET IT. ( LAUGHTER )
TOTALLY GET IT. YOU’RE VERY POLITE.>>YES, POLITE.>>Stephen: WHO’S MORE POLITE,
YOU OR THE CANADIANS?>>THERE ARE PROBABLY
SIMILARITIES.>>Stephen: THAT WAS POLITE. THE CANADIAN WILL GO WE’RE MORE
POLITE WHICH MEANS YOU’RE MORE POLITE.>>I CAN SAY THAT.>>Stephen: I’M AMERICAN, WE
CAN SAY ANYTHING WE WANT. ( LAUGHTER )
IS NEW ZEALAND THE FIRST COUNTRY TO GIVE ALL WOMEN THE VOTE BUT
THE FACT THERE ARE NO SNAKES HERE THAT’S THE BEST THING?>>WE LIKELY UNDERPLAY THE
SNAKES, BUT GIVING WOMEN THE VOTE.>>Stephen: SO REALLY NO
SNAKES?>>WE HAVE FOOD HERE AS WELL.>>Stephen: THERE ARE REALLY
NO SNAKES?>>NO SNAKES.>>Stephen: I’M SORRY, DID YOU
WANT PEANUT BRITTLE?>>I’M FINE, BUT THANK YOU.>>Stephen: LET ME KNOW IF YOU
CHANGE YOUR MIND.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: YOU RECENTLY GOT
ENGAGED TO YOUR PARTNER CLARK. ( DING )
WHEN IS THE WEDDING.>>WE HAVEN’T PLANNED ANYTHING.>>Stephen: DO YOU NEED A AN
OFFICIENT BECAUSE I’VE MARRIED PEOPLE BEFORE.>>THAT WOULD BE COOL. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT?>>(INAUDIBLE).>>Stephen: LET’S TALK — HE
HATES THE IDEA.>>HONEST TO A FAULT.>>Stephen: YOU’RE RUNNING FOR
REELECTION IN 2020.>>I AM.>>Stephen: DO YOU HAVE AN
ELECTORAL COLLEGE?>>NO.>>Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE
OURS?>>I LIKE OURS.>>Stephen: WHEN IS THE NEXT
ELECTION?>>I HAVEN’T SET IT YET.>>Stephen: YOU GET TO SET THE
ELECTION?>>YEAH.>>Stephen: HOW IS THAT RIGHT? IT’S A LITTLE UNFAIR.>>Stephen: CALL IT NOW. HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF YOU
CALLED THE ELECTION RIGHT NOW ON TV.>>ARE YOU DOING, LIKE, A TRUTH
OR DARE?>>Stephen: DO IT. JUST DARING ME TO CALL AN
ELECTION?>>Stephen: DO IT. ( CLUCKING LIKE A CHICKEN )
>>I’M YOUNG BUT I’M NOT 12. ( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: I HAVE A CAMPAIGN SLOGAN FOR YOU. MY FAVORITE, ARDEN 2020,
NEW ZEALAND, SAME PRIME MINISTER. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THIS IS A WINNER, RIGHT?>>YEAH.>>Stephen: IF YOU’RE PRIME
MINISTER, DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE ALSO PRESIDENT? IS THAT BUNDLED IN THERE?>>NO.>>Stephen: IS THERE A
PRESIDENT IN NEW ZEALAND?>>NO.>>Stephen: SO YOU COULD FLOAT
MY NAME? ( LAUGHTER )
>>I THINK PROBABLY CITIZENSHIP WOULD BE —
>>Stephen: AND THAT’S WHY I ASKED.>>THAT’S WHY YOU ACCOUNT. YOU HAVE A WHOLE CAREER PATH
HERE.>>Stephen: I’D LIKE TO BE A
CITIZEN BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO HERE.>>IS THAT A PATHWAY,
TELEVISION.>>Stephen: TO PRESIDENT? YEAH.>>Stephen: RECENTLY IN THE
UNITED STATES IT IS THE PRESIDENT. FIRST HAVE A TELEVISION SHOW AND
THEN STRAIGHT TO PRESIDENT.>>OKAY.>>Stephen: I WANT TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT THE AFTERMATH OF THE CHRISTCHURCH SHOOTINGS.>>MMM…>>Stephen: YOU MIDDLE EAST
PASSED GUN REFORM BANNING ALL MILITARY-STYLE ASSAULT RIFLES. THAT WAS INSPIRING TO THOSE OF
US WHO LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES WHO DEAL WITH GUN VIOLENCE. HOW DID YOU DO IT? I’M ASKING FOR 350 MILLION
FRIENDS OF MINE.>>WELL, YON, WE’RE PRAGMATISTS
IN NEW ZEALAND AND, SO, WHEN IT WAS DESCRIBED TO ME THE WEAPONS
THAT WE USED AND HOW EASILY THEY WERE OBTAINED, MY IMMEDIATE
REACTION WAS THAT CAN’T STAND, IT HAS TO CHANGE. AND, SO, YOU KNOW, I NEEDED THE
VOTES OF THREE POLITICAL PARTIES TO BE ABLE TO DO IT, BUT I DON’T
THINK I WOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK THEM IF THEY THOUGHT THE SAME
THING. SO I JUST WENT OUT THERE AND
SAID OUR LAWS WILL CHANGE AND, IN THE END, EVERY SINGLE MEMBER
OF PARLIAMENT EXCEPT FOR ONE VOTED FOR THAT CHANGE.>>Stephen: WE’VE GOTTEN TO
THE POINT WHERE, IN AMERICA, WE BASICALLY — WE HAVE A FEELING
THAT THE GUN LAWS CAN’T BE CHANGED.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: WAS THERE NO
RESISTANCE TO IT?>>THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE WHO
WEREN’T HAPPY ABOUT THE CHANGE, DON’T GET ME WRONG. WE TURNED SOMETHING THEY REALLY
PURCHASED INTO SOMETHING ILLEGAL, SO WE GAVE THEM THE
ABILITY TO BRING THEM IN AND PAID FOR THEM. WE HAVE A LEGITIMATE NEED IN
NEW ZEALAND, WE MAY NOT HAVE SNAKES BUT WE HAVE A LOT OF
THINGS THAT KILL OUR WILDLIFE, AND WE IDENTIFIED WHAT GUNS WERE
LEGITIMATELY NEEDED FOR THOSE THINGS. THOSE WERE KICKED OUT, THOSE
REMAINED AND GOT RID OF THE ONES DESIGNED TO TAKE PEOPLE’S LIVES
EN MASSE.>>Stephen: IF YOU FOR
INVITING ME TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY AND GOOD LUCK GETTING
RID OF ME.>>PLEASE STAY FOR FOOD, WE’LL
HAVE A BARBECUE OR SOMETHING. YOU’RE WELCOME.>>Stephen: THANK YOU. LAST CHANCE FOR PEANUT BRITTLE.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: I ACCEPTED HER
INSRI CASETATION AND STAYED FOR SAUSAGES AND PRIET BREAD. SO WE HAVE THE PRIME MINISTER,
WE HAVE THE FIRST GRILL MASTER, WE HAVE THE FUTURE POSSIBLY
PRESIDENT OF NEW ZEALAND AND LORDE.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: SO NICE TO MEET
YOU.>>YOU, TOO.>>Stephen: I’M SURPRISED I
NEVER MET YOU BEFORE BECAUSE YOU’RE FAMOUS AND I’M FAMOUS. THERE’S SOMETHING I ALWAYS
WANTED TO ASK YOU. WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOME PEANUT
BRITTLE? WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PEANUT
BRITTLE?>>SURE, THANK YOU. I THINK IT MUST BE A
TRADITION.>>Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.>>YEAH. ( SCREAM )
( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: YOU DON’T HAVE
SNAKES! THE TRIP WAS WORTH IT! ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: THANK YOU, PRIME
MINISTER ARDERN AND THANK YOU LORDE! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM
DRIVER!

100 Replies to “Stephen Colbert: The Newest Zealander Visits PM Jacinda Ardern”

  1. I’m a woman and I multitask. – Love it – Proud Kiwi – Kia Ora Stephen enjoy your time in New Zealand- Love your Show 🇳🇿💖👍

  2. J A. Is a petty tyrant.

    Nz is a socialist country with unilateral rule by tyranny. Americans should know its swimming in roundup poison in all the meat and water. The wealth redistribution is going apace and thats why successful kiwis depart for Australia to keep their wealth. Also the weather is abominable 80% of the time. It costs 2x as much to live here than in California.

    Granted they grow a lot of weed but haven't yet legalized it yet…

  3. Stephen, Did you realize you that you met the coolest Prime Minsiter? And, she picked you up from the airport? Cool.

  4. Canada and New Zealand have the same head of state. That makes me, a Canadian, formally a kiwi. I just proved it. It is settled. DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I CAN'T BE A KIWI.

  5. For all my fellow New Zealanders, could you ever imagine our last Prime Minister picking anyone up at the airport without a security entourage? Not that I could ever see John Key doing anything for anyone that didn't help his own interests. Jacinda Ardern reminds me of politicians of the early 1970s such as Norm Kirk and Bill Rowling. Even Rob Muldoon, up to a point. Down to Earth, not full of pretensions they imagined came with the office. They lived in their own homes, drove their own cars, travelled light where and when they were able and had little or no security details. Best wishes to the Ardern-Gayford family. Think about supplying some salad at your next barbie.

  6. Ok love that jacinda is going around doing her thing…but it would be nice if she actually come back to Aotearoa and deal with the issues going in with mana whenua. I voted for her yet she stands by and watches things like ihumatao doing nothing and taking the easier route.

  7. It’s a racist fucking country … don’t believe a word they say down there… MAGA Make Arden Go Away!!!!…. jokes she’s ok..

  8. After the Christchurch shooting she also started exercising extreme censorship, jailing people for merely sharing a manifesto, and pushing private business to help censor websites. Forgot to mention that, hey, Colbert?

  9. if you guys want the prefect chrismas present for your familly or friend try these @t , i have brought them last year for my familly and it was a huge success

  10. Makes me proud to be from New Zealand. Goes to show lucky we are in Nz despite all the things that were going through theres always people way worse off. And that's facts.

  11. Lols sausage sizzles are bomb & as simple as that.
    But after watching it I'm like aww they look sad lmaoo.
    You can buy a sausage sizzle damn near everywhere & the proceeds always go to some sort of charity or fundraising like school sports teams etc.
    BUT they're usually served with onions, mustard & tomato sauce.
    Its popularity is equivalent to a hotdog in America

  12. "I'm young, but I'm not 12". She's fucking great. As an Aussie I do so wish we had someone like her leading here rather than the rich get richer climate change is a problem because it stops the rich from getting richer conservative religious PM. Who is, not much of a leader at all.

  13. You have a woman like Ardern running a small country like NZ and showcasing everything a Leader should be and on the flipside, you have a man like Trump running the most powerful country in the world and showcasing everything a Leader shouldn't be.

  14. Genius! That is how a world leader should act…What a wonderful place this world would be if more leaders were like her.

  15. Stephen Colbert touched on a sensitive topic. US Presidents is the commander in chief, where he theoretically controls the military. Prime Ministers do not. They are solely executive.
    New Zealand gets what they call a Governor General, he commands the military and holds the power to sack a prime minister if he/she is seriously sucking.

  16. I suspect I am not the only one with leader envy….. think we can clone Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern so we can all have her as our leader? 😀

  17. Turns out if your not a complete asshole you can run a country and still be a decent human being!
    (NZ is the best place on earth)

  18. I was kinda worried she’d go like Trudeau- a young attractive leader who was built up by liberal to be this great new thing… only to fall short and disappoint everyone.

    But she’s stayed lovely. As an Aussie, I’m extremely jealous. I don’t have quite the same politics as her, but I can see she’s a damn fine leader, unlike Smirko (aka ScoMoFo).

  19. I can't believe the PM of New Zealand just drives herself around town in a Hyundai. She's such a real, down-to-Earth person. But more importantly she's an EFFECTIVE leader, passing legislation her people demand which has fundamentally improved quality of life: gun control & national childcare! What do we Americans get? A treasonous, traitorous, mob boss attempting to rig the 2020 elections via bribery & extortion of a sovereign foreign power at war with Russia by illegally holding hostage military aide already approved & funded by a bi-partisan vote of Congress in exchange for a fabricated fever dream where the Ukrainian president must publicly declare Joe Biden committed crimes & will be "investigated".

  20. She is AMAZING! But Colbert is so full of himself and dislikes anyone who doesn't think (politically) like he does. He speaks as if everyone sane agrees with his opinion.

  21. Stephen Colbert for US President 2020 – said from the other side of the World, by a Kiwi who has no say in the matter. Sweet that you love our country & our PM; come back anytime (Queenstown bungy next visit) 😊

  22. For everybody that thinks she's a genius, she outlawed guns then made owner buy them back if they where deemed not to kill people???? for couple hundred $$$ tax??? lmao everything she has done has been done by California and look at our crime rate and murders by guns, if anything you should look at New Zealand stats wouldn't be surprised how many outlaws have weapons now since this ground breaking ban she's so proud of, I don't think she realizes how pathetic she sounds when she answers him about helping the U.S.A with our gun laws, not knowing we've been there done that and it's gotten worst than ever, but go ahead and be cocky cuz New Zealand knows everything cuz first woman to blah blah blahhhh, whatever this females name is I could see the evil in your eyes hiding behind that big ass fake smile of yours, youre perfect for today's politics but don't know shit about common sense or today's problems, if anything you are the problem and when all hell breaks loose youll be hiding with your tail between ur legs in your multi-million$$$ house begging for help like a street bum. All that politic money in the world won't save you, but make you a Target for all the people , you ripped off and deemed for failier while you set yourself for the easy life. Hope you enjoy it while it's lasts, just shows how evil you are that you can sleep knowing what you are an what u stand for… you're a disgrace to human kind and give no hope to a brighter future,funny how the only truth she says is how she's in charge of re-election for her own re-election and say "seems unfair" then laughs with that evil in her eyes, seems like good old American politics to me, but yet ground breaking for New Zealand,

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